How To Deal

Heather and Cody Baker join Eli Harwood to talk about pregnancy and infant loss, grieving differently as partners, and parenting through grief. Drawing on their experience of losing their daughter Blakely, they share how they learned to be with each other in their pain, make room for grief and joy, and carry their daughter’s memory forward. They also discuss practical ways friends and family can help, from caring for surviving children to remembering important dates and repairing hurtful moments. In this conversation The Bakers’ experience of infertility, miscarriage, and stillbirth, and the early days of grief. How their different ways of coping affected their relationship, and what helped them reconnect. Making room for shared sorrow, laughter, intimacy, and ordinary family life. Moving forward with their daughter’s memory as part of their family story. Supporting surviving children while parents are grieving. Offering presence, remembrance, practical help, and repair as a friend or family member. These…

Food can bring up a lot of worry for parents. How do we stay curious about what a child is experiencing when our first instinct is to fix what they are eating? Eli talks with Kathryn Garland and Vanessa Scaringi, co-authors of Hungry for Connection, about the relationships around food, body image and eating disorders. They discuss slowing down during difficult food conversations, making room for repair, and helping children navigate diet culture and online messages. The conversation makes an important distinction: an eating disorder is not proof of insecure attachment or a parent's failure. The guests discuss multiple contributing factors, including neurodivergence and the wider environment, and acknowledge the role of behavioral and medical care alongside relational support. In this conversation Understanding the feelings and needs that can sit beneath eating behaviors. Pausing to notice the worry we bring to a food conversation. Making space for repair when a moment does not go as we hoped. The guests’…

]Why can it feel easier to understand everyone else than to let yourself be known? Eli Harwood joins psychoanalyst Dr. Galit Atlas to explore how childhood experiences can shape the ways we seek closeness, protect ourselves, and care for other people. Drawing on Galit's book Come Closer, they focus on three of its six childhood patterns: the invisible child, the chosen child, and the ashamed child. Eli reflects on her own experiences as they discuss emotional caretaking, the pressure to keep a parent happy, and the pain of a parent who did not show up. The conversation closes with a compassionate invitation: listen to the child you were without dismissing their experience, and seek support as you practice new ways of connecting. In this conversation Galit describes how becoming hard to see can protect a child while making vulnerability difficult later. The chosen child learns to prioritize a parent's emotional needs; that responsibility can continue into adult relationships. Eli and Galit explore the…

What do you do when you want to parent through connection and your partner keeps reaching for control? Eli talks with Kyle and Sara Wester about the years when they were on different pages, the moment Kyle began to rethink discipline, and the daily conversations that helped them build a shared approach. They explore the fear underneath controlling parenting, how to support a partner without taking over, and what mutual respect looks like with teenagers. Their stories make room for imperfect moments, honest reflection, and coming back to repair. Key Takeaways Keep modeling the connection you want to build, even when your partner is not yet ready to hear a different perspective. Kyle shares how learning about fear and the brain helped him reconsider discipline and the parenting patterns he inherited. Notice when you are asking your children to soothe your stress, and make room to regulate yourself before responding. Brief, regular conversations can help partners understand the beliefs and expectations…

In this solo episode, Eli dives into one of the most nuanced — and most needed — conversations in the world of relational health: the difference between genuinely being victimized and holding a victim mentality. With warmth and clarity, Eli walks you through the key markers of each, why abusive people often claim victim status, and why asking this question of yourself is actually a sign of health, not weakness. Key Takeaways Being victimized and having a victim mentality are not the same thing — and confusing the two can keep you stuck in harmful dynamics. Claiming harm is not the same as being a victim — recognizing you've been hurt is an act of courage and wisdom. A victim mentality uses perceived harm to justify harming others — whereas genuine victimization leads you toward healing, safety, and self-protection. Abusive people commonly hold victim mentality — they often believe they are entitled to control and will frame any loss of control as being victimized. There is a critical difference between hurt…

Dr. Shefali Tsabary, Columbia-trained clinical psychologist and multiple NYT bestselling author, joins Eli to discuss her groundbreaking new companion books: Raising Conscious Sons and Raising Conscious Daughters. Together they unpack the unique, gender-specific wounds our children carry — and what conscious parents can do to protect and restore their children's authentic selves. Key Takeaways Boys can only become empathic and vulnerable when they are first allowed to accept their own imperfections — teaching "limitlessness" is actually a disservice. The father wound is often invisible: a father can be physically present but emotionally sealed off, and boys feel that absence in their bodies. Mothers who over-function out of anxiety unintentionally send their sons the message that they are not trusted or capable — step back and allow wide spaces for exploration. The 7 Pillars for Conscious Sons: Regulation, Competence, Vulnerability, Sovereignty, Sexuality and Power, Belonging, and Conscious Masculinity. The…

What if feeling unworthy isn't a flaw — it's a memory? In this deeply moving episode, Eli sits down with NYT bestselling psychologist Dr. Marisa G. Franco to unpack the science of self-worth: where it comes from, why it gets stuck, and how you can actually change it. From memory reconsolidation and inner child healing to attunement, identity, and the power of community, this conversation is a must-listen for anyone breaking generational cycles. Key Takeaways • Worthiness = treating your internal world as if it matters. It's not about feeling superior — it's about validating your feelings and using them as information. • There are two types of high self-esteem. One comes at others' expense (grandiosity). The other — "Type C" — is compassionate, connected, and the kind worth building. • Memories are the database of self-esteem. They don't just record the past — they predict the future. That's why compliments feel threatening and success feels suspicious when we feel unworthy. • You can change the past — at the…

Eli sits down with Eve Rodsky — Harvard-trained lawyer, NYT bestselling author, and founder of the Fair Play movement — to dig into the invisible crisis hiding in most partnerships: the unequal mental load. From the blueberries text that changed everything to a card system now translated into 27 languages, Eve shares why fairness in the home isn't just a relationship issue — it's a systemic one. This is a must-listen for anyone who has ever thought, "Why am I the only one who notices what needs to be done?" Key Takeaways The mental load gap is not personal — it's structural. Women shoulder two-thirds or more of unpaid domestic labor, and even the best-intentioned partners do 5–15 hours less per week once kids arrive. Over-functioning is a symptom of broken accountability and trust, not a personality flaw. The CPE model (Conception → Planning → Execution) explains why "going to the store" is only one-third of the work — and why standards aren't "too high" when you own the full task. Toxic time messages ("I…

Eli sits down with board-certified psychiatrist and ADHD specialist Dr. Sasha Hamdani to unpack one of the most misunderstood emotional experiences: Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria (RSD). Together they explore the neuroscience behind why some of us feel rejection so intensely — and why that sensitivity might actually be a gift. Dr. Hamdani also shares personal stories and practical tools from her upcoming book, Too Sensitive: Rejection, Resilience, and the Science of Feeling Deeply. Key Takeaways RSD is not a personality flaw — it's a neurological response rooted in how your brain is wired, involving amygdala hyperactivity, dopamine dysregulation, and weaker prefrontal override. Sensitivity has roots in multiple places: genetics, attachment history, identity-based rejection (racism, homophobia, misogyny), and hormonal fluctuations all play a role. Emotional sensitivity ≠ weakness. When paired with the right tools, it becomes emotional intelligence — a true superpower in relationships and caregiving. Your body…

In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Naaila Chagani (Hudani), a child development specialist with a PhD from Tufts University, to explore the concept of "heart safety" — teaching children that their inner emotional world belongs to them and cannot be rearranged by someone else. Drawing from both personal lived experience as a bonus mom and rigorous research, Dr. Naaila shares a compassionate, nuanced framework for helping kids recognize emotionally manipulative behaviors, trust their own instincts, and stay safe — without having to sever love from protection. Key Takeaways Heart safety is as important as body safety. Just as we teach kids "your body belongs to you," we need to teach them their inner world — feelings, perceptions, sense of self — belongs to them too. Manipulation exists on a spectrum. From a tired parent saying "you're fine" to genuinely harmful conditional love — many behaviors, unintentionally or not, ask a child to ignore what they feel. Fear and discernment are opposites. A frightened…

In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) unpacks one of the most misunderstood intersections in modern parenting: raising a neurodivergent child while trying to break generational cycles. With personal stories from parenting her own AuDHD daughter, Eli walks through the full sensory landscape — including the three "hidden" senses — and explains how to adapt secure attachment practices to meet your neurodiverse child where they actually are. Key Takeaways Neurodivergent kids experience the world through a different sensory prism — not just the classic 5 senses, but also neuroception, interoception, and proprioception. Understanding which senses your child is over- or under-sensitive to changes everything about how you approach their meltdowns. Empathy that works for neurotypical kids can amplify distress in neurodivergent kids. When a neurodivergent child is already flooded across multiple sensory systems, offering big gooey empathy can escalate — not soothe — their dysregulation. Accommodation…

Episode Summary Eli sits down with international parenting coach and author Mary Van Geffen to talk about raising "spicy ones" — those intense, strong-willed, wonderfully complex children who need more than most parenting books can offer. Together they unpack what it means to be the parent of a spicy child, how our own childhood wounds get triggered by these kids, and what it actually looks like in the messy, real moments to stay regulated and connected. Key Takeaways A "spicy one" is a child who is more loyal to their own soul than to your adult agenda — and that's actually a gift, not a defect. Our spicy, strong-willed children are heat-seeking hovercrafts for whatever is unhealed inside of us. You cannot regulate a threat — if your nervous system reads your child as danger, you must build your own capacity first. During a violent meltdown: be the calmest person in the room, use your body not your words, and create a physically safe environment. Playfulness — not threats, not logic — is often the fastest…

How to Deal with Parenting Through Play | Dr. Kim Van Dusen Episode Summary What if the secret to fewer tantrums, less mealtime drama, and a deeper connection with your kids wasn't stricter rules — but more play? In this episode, Eli sits down with Dr. Kim Van Dusen, PsyD, licensed marriage and family therapist and registered play therapist known as The Parentologist, to talk about how to weave playfulness into the everyday moments of parenting — even if you don't think you have a playful bone in your body. From gamifying chores to helping traumatized children feel safe, Dr. Kim shows us that play is the universal language of childhood, and learning to speak it changes everything. Key Takeaways You don't have to sit on the floor for 30 minutes to be a playful parent. Dr. Kim calls them "playful pockets of time" — small, creative moments woven throughout the day (swapping a fork for tongs, cutting a sandwich into a fun shape) that shift the entire energy of parenting. Gamifying works. From racing to make the…

Episode Summary Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Marc Brackett — founding director of the Yale Center for Emotional Intelligence and bestselling author — to tackle one of modern parenting's biggest challenges: how do we raise emotionally intelligent kids when most of us never received an emotion education ourselves? Marc shares the science behind his RULER framework, why "there is no such thing as a bad emotion," and the practical strategies every parent needs to start using today. Key Takeaways Accumulate emotion knowledge first. None of us got an "emotion education" growing up — reading research-backed books and resources is step one. There is no such thing as a bad emotion. Giving your child permission to feel — including anxiety, anger, and sadness — is a radical and necessary first step. Your go-to regulation strategies may not work for your child. Think of your role as setting a buffet of options, not telling your child what to eat. Emotional granularity matters. The difference between "frustrated" and…

Episode Summary In this deeply personal and research-backed conversation, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. Laura Markham — clinical psychologist, bestselling author, and founder of PeacefulParentHappyKids.com — to tackle one of the most exhausting realities of family life: sibling conflict. Together they explore what the research actually says about why siblings fight, what parents can do about it (and what they shouldn't), and how to raise kids who will genuinely like each other as adults. Eli even shares a real, unfiltered story from her own family — complete with onesies, a parking lot scene, and a sticker — and asks Dr. Laura to coach her through it live. Key Takeaways The #1 predictor of sibling kindness is your relationship with each child. Research consistently shows the closer you are to each child individually, the less they fight with each other. Discipline style shapes sibling behavior. When parents use power and force to solve problems, kids mirror that with each other. When parents model calm…

Episode Summary Eli sits down with Libby Ward — writer, speaker, and author of Honest Motherhood: On Losing My Mind and Finding Myself — for a deeply honest conversation about what it costs mothers when they sacrifice themselves completely. Together they explore the myth of selfless motherhood, the reality of generational trauma, and why radical honesty — with yourself first — is where real change begins. Key Takeaways You were never meant to do this alone. Human beings evolved in community, not nuclear family isolation. The loneliness of modern motherhood isn't a personal failing — it's a structural problem. Selflessness isn't the antidote to a selfish upbringing. Martyrdom doesn't protect your kids — it burdens them. Your children don't need a shell of you; they need you. Shame keeps us stuck. When we don't hear other mothers' real experiences, we assume we're the only ones struggling — and that shame makes it impossible to look honestly at what's actually happening. Generational trauma gets passed down…

Episode Summary Therapist, author, and host of The Dude Therapist podcast Eli Weinstein, LCSW joins the show to talk about one of the hardest (and least talked about) relationship challenges: staying connected to your partner while you're deep in the trenches of parenthood. Eli brings his signature no-BS warmth and humor to share real, actionable tools — including the "First On Scene" rule, the Huddle tactic, and how to tackle the invisible mental load — all drawn from his new book From I Do to We Do. Key Takeaways Take a pause before you take it out on your partner. When you're dysregulated in a parenting moment, step away for 2–5 minutes before engaging. Your kids will still be screaming — but your brain will be in a better place. The "First On Scene" rule. Whoever arrives first to handle a situation becomes the lead. Their way goes — as long as it's not dangerous. This eliminates power struggles and toe-stepping between partners. Make the mental load visible. Write down everything on your mental plate,…

Episode Summary In this episode, Eli sits down with sex educator and Harvard-trained expert Kimberly Wolf to tackle one of the most anxiety-producing topics in parenting: talking to your kids about sex, bodies, and healthy relationships. Kimberly brings a practical, shame-free, and deeply reassuring framework for parents at every stage — from toddlers to teens — with one clear message: you don't have to have all the answers. You just have to show up. Key Takeaways Start with safety and practicality. Framing sex education around safety takes the emotional charge out of it — for parents and kids. Even a 4-year-old can understand, "Nobody touches your body without permission." These are ongoing conversations, not one big talk. Replace the idea of "the talk" with a lifelong, open dialogue. Small moments build the foundation for big ones. You don't need all the answers. Saying "That's a great question — let me find out" signals to your child that you can handle this topic, and that they can come to you. Parents…

Episode Summary Relationship coach Morgan Burch joins Eli to unpack one of the most common — and most painful — dynamics in modern partnerships: the moment you need your partner most is exactly when neither of you has anything left to give. Together, they explore the "hero child" wound, why co-regulation matters more than date nights, and practical tools like the Mirror Game and the DIC Talk that can transform conflict into genuine connection. Key Takeaways The Parenthood Paradox: Both partners have less to give at the exact moment they long for more from each other — recognizing this cycle is the first step to breaking it. Microdosing Connection: You don't need a weekend away. Fifteen minutes on the couch with no phones can rebuild safety, trust, and closeness faster than any grand gesture. Co-regulation requires self-regulation first: When you feel the urge to blame your partner, that's a signal you're overwhelmed — regulate yourself before attempting to reconnect. The Hero Child wound: If you grew up…

Episode Summary In this episode, Eli sits down with Danish parenting expert and bestselling author Jessica Joelle Alexander to tackle one of the most pressing questions facing parents today: how do we raise kids who are safe, healthy, and confident in the digital world — without resorting to fear, shame, or oversimplification? Jessica shares the Danish philosophy behind her work, the story of how she created the Raising Digital Citizens conversation cards, and why connection — not restriction — is the real key to protecting our kids online. Key Takeaways The digital world is a real world. Kids experience belonging, friendship, and identity online just as they do in person. Dismissing that reality puts distance between you and your child. Giving a child a phone is like handing them car keys. Preparation, conversation, and a co-created agreement matter far more than the age at which you hand it over. Denmark's education system tests for trivsel (well-being/happiness) — not just academics — because if kids…

Episode Summary In this episode, host Eli Harwood sits down with Dr. L. Alan Sroufe — Professor Emeritus at the University of Minnesota and lead researcher of the landmark Minnesota Longitudinal Study of Risk and Adaptation — to unpack over 50 years of groundbreaking research on how early relationships shape who we become. From the origins of secure attachment to the surprising durability of worldviews formed in childhood, this conversation is a masterclass in what actually matters in parenting — and what doesn't. Dr. Sroufe also shares details on his new book The Development and Organization of Meaning, co-authored with his wife, June Sroufe. Key Takeaways Secure attachment means confidence, not closeness. Dr. Sroufe redefines secure attachment as a child's confident belief that their caregiver will be there — not how physically close they are kept. The best predictor of empathy is having received empathic care. You can't tell your child to be empathic — you have to show them through your own…

Episode Summary What if the secret to surviving modern parenting chaos was something you were already born knowing how to do — play? In this warm, funny, and genuinely useful conversation, Eli sits down with Mia Wisinski, founder of Playful Heart Parenting, to explore how playfulness isn't just a "nice to have" — it's one of the most powerful tools we have for co-regulating our kids, building secure attachment, and staying sane ourselves. From silly power reversal games to what to do when you're about to lose it, Mia and Eli swap real-life strategies, honest confessions about their own "demand ruts," and a live round of the jingle game that you'll want to try at home tonight. Key Takeaways Playfulness is innate — it just gets "weaned out" of us. Every parent has a playful side; life, culture, and stress just suppress it over time. The good news: it's still there, and your body will remember it when you re-enter playful contexts. Power reversal is the magic key. Letting your kids have the power — pretending…

Episode Summary In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (The Attachment Nerd) takes a compassionate dive into trauma — what it actually is, how it gets lodged in our bodies, and most importantly, how we begin to move through it. Eli breaks down the difference between a true trauma trigger and a new event, shares a deeply personal parenting story about her own trauma response, and offers practical, accessible tools for healing — including the concept of "glimmers" and the power of body awareness. Key Takeaways Trauma is personal. What feels traumatic to one person's nervous system may not to another's — and that's shaped by your wiring, lived history, and identity. Eli's working definition of trauma: Any experience that creates a significant threat to your physical safety, your social belonging, or your sense of dignity and identity. Trauma is more than the event. It's the event + your body's response + the narrative you build around both of those things. Triggers vs. new events: A trigger is your nervous system…

Episode Summary In this episode, Eli Harwood sits down with Rachael Shepard-Ohta — founder of Hey, Sleepy Baby and host of the No One Told Us podcast — for an honest, research-grounded, and deeply human conversation about infant and toddler sleep. Together, they dismantle the sleep training culture war, explore what science actually tells us about infant sleep variability, and offer practical, compassionate strategies for exhausted parents. No shame, no judgment — just real talk. Key Takeaways Infant sleep is highly variable and non-linear. Research confirms that sleep does not simply get better week by week — it's a rollercoaster tied to rapid developmental milestones, and this is completely normal. You are not doing it wrong. A regression or bad night is not a sign of parenting failure. It is often just a developmental phase to ride out. The "sunset scaries" are real — and romanticizing your own nighttime routine (podcasts, face masks, fancy tea) can rewire your nervous system to look forward to the hard…

Episode Summary Stress is universal — but how we respond to it isn't. In this solo episode, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) breaks down what stress actually is, why your personal history shapes your stress response, and how to manage it in a way that protects both your well-being and your relationship with your kids. From completing the stress cycle to talking to your children about fight-or-flight in real time, this episode is a practical, compassionate guide to becoming a more regulated — and more connected — parent. Key Takeaways Stress is both external and internal. The stressor is the event; the stress response is what happens in your body. You can influence both. Your attachment history shapes your reactivity. How your caregivers handled stress became your internal blueprint — but it can be rewritten. Pause, reflect, decide. Before reacting, notice the stressor, name your body's response, then consciously choose how you want to respond. Completing the stress cycle matters. The stress energy in your…

Episode Summary In this episode, Eli sits down with Laura, the Foster Parent Partner — author, content creator, and foster care advocate with nearly 300K followers — to have an honest, compassionate conversation about the realities of foster parenting. They explore what it truly means to show up for kids from hard places, how foster parents can survive a broken system, and why even one safe home can change the entire trajectory of a child's life. Key Takeaways Foster parenting is a life-changing and profoundly disruptive experience — in the best and hardest ways. Honesty about this upfront protects both caregivers and children. Foster parents serve as critical buffers between a child's traumatic past, an imperfect system, and a safer present — and that buffering matters enormously for long-term healing. The small, consistent, everyday moments — rubbing a child's back, making their favorite dinner, laughing together — are not small at all. For kids from hard places, they are revolutionary. Expanding your…

How to Deal with Talking to Your Kids About Pornography Episode Summary After a disturbing news story surfaced exposing widespread abuse on a major pornography platform, Eli Harwood (the Attachment Nerd) is stepping up with a calm, practical guide for parents. In this solo episode, Eli walks you through exactly how to have an honest, age-appropriate, shame-free conversation with your kids about pornography — what it is, why it distorts reality, how addiction cycles form, and how to keep the dialogue open. Whether your child is in elementary school or high school, this episode gives you the scripts and the confidence to show up for one of the most important conversations of their childhood. Key Takeaways Regulate before you educate — process your own feelings first so you can show up calm and clear for your child Timing matters — choose a low-pressure moment (weekends, car rides) when your child has emotional bandwidth to absorb the conversation Pornography is not reality — teach kids that the bodies, acts,…

How to Deal with Raising Tweens & Teens with Dr. Cara Natterson & Vanessa Kroll Bennett Episode Summary If you're a parent staring down the tunnel of adolescence and feeling the dread building — this episode is your permission slip to exhale. Eli sits down with Dr. Cara Natterson and Vanessa Kroll Bennett of Less Awkward for a warm, wildly informative, and surprisingly funny conversation about what puberty actually is, why it's happening earlier than ever, and how to be the parent your tween or teen genuinely needs — even when they're slamming doors and rolling their eyes. Expect real science, real talk, and a boxing metaphor that will change how you show up for your kid. Key Takeaways Adolescence is not something to survive — it's something to lean into. The mood swings, the push-back, the withdrawal: it's developmental, it's hormonal, and most importantly, it's not personal. Puberty is starting 2–3 years earlier than it did a generation ago. Average onset is now ages 8–9 for girls and 9–10 for boys. The…

Episode Summary In this warm and moving episode, Eli sits down with Jon Fogel — parenting educator, pastor, and author of Punishment-Free Parenting — to talk about his brand-new children's picture book, Set My Feelings Free, co-authored and illustrated by his wife Jess Fogel. Jon unpacks the surprising science behind Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood, why music is the key to teaching kids emotional regulation, and how a 30-page book can do what 300 pages can't. You'll probably cry. Eli definitely did. Key Takeaways Secure attachment and emotional regulation are not the same thing. You can grow up securely attached and still have significant gaps in how you model and regulate emotions — and that's okay to acknowledge. Mr. Rogers' Neighborhood was peer-reviewed science. Every episode was reviewed by developmental psychologist Margaret McFarland at the University of Pittsburgh. The show was deliberately designed to teach emotional regulation through music, repetition, and child autonomy. Music is a limbic tool — it…

Episode Summary In this episode, Eli sits down with Tia Gamelin — neurodiversity-affirming pediatric occupational therapist, ADHD coach, and mother of four — to explore the hidden sensory world underneath your child's "difficult" behavior. Together they unpack why behavior is always communication, why there are actually eight senses (not five), and how understanding your child's sensory profile can radically transform your relationship with them — and with yourself as a parent. Key Takeaways Behavior is communication that comes out sideways. When children act out, they are not being defiant — they are telling us their sensory system is overwhelmed and needs support. There are 8 senses, not 5. In addition to sight, smell, taste, touch, and hearing, children also rely on the vestibular system (inner gyroscope/movement), proprioception (body position in space), and interoception (internal body signals linked to emotional regulation). The sensory traffic jam: In children with sensory processing differences,…

Episode Summary If you've ever whispered to yourself, "Is it too late? Have I already done too much damage?" — this episode is for you. Eli sits down with Wendy Snyder, founder of Fresh Start Family and author of the brand-new book Fresh Start Your Family, to talk about the most hopeful truth in parenting: it is never too late to start over. Wendy shares her own raw journey from a reactive, overwhelmed mom to a parenting educator who has helped thousands of families worldwide break the cycle of fear-based discipline — and she brings the receipts, the real stories, and the practical tools to prove it. Key Takeaways You are not failing — your nervous system is repeating what it knows. When you snap, yell, or fall back into old patterns, it's not a character flaw. It's a conditioned response. Self-compassion is the first step to change, not a luxury. Failure is just unfinished success. Mistakes — yours and your kids' — are opportunities to learn, not evidence that you're a bad parent. 99% of mistakes are…

Episode Summary Did you know humming can literally lower your heart rate in the middle of a parenting meltdown? In this episode, Eli is joined by bestselling children's music artist and mindfulness expert Kira Willey to unpack the science of why rhythm is one of the most powerful regulation tools available to parents and kids — and how to start using it today. From butterfly taps to transition songs to the Ha Ha Hyena game, Kira shares practical, playful, and science-backed strategies that work with how children's brains actually develop — through music, movement, and imagination. Whether you're in the middle of a chaotic morning routine or trying to head off a bedtime meltdown, this episode will change the way you think about the music already in your life. Key Takeaways Rhythm is structure — the organized, predictable beat of music has a biologically calming effect on the nervous system, even in babies. Humming is a secret superpower — a 2023 study found humming lowers heart rate and increases heart rate…

How to Deal with Kids Who Say "I'm Bored" — with Lizzie Assa Episode Summary Parenting coach and author Lizzie Assa joins Eli to unpack why modern parents have accidentally taken over their children's play — and how to give it back. From reframing boredom as a bid for connection, to setting up "play pockets" around your home, this episode is a practical, permission-giving guide to raising kids who can play independently. Key Takeaways Play belongs to the child. Your job is not to optimize or entertain during play — it's to protect the time and space for it. Boredom isn't a failure. When your child says "I'm bored," it can be a bid for connection — and it's a sign you've reserved unstructured time for them. Be a mirror, not an entertainer. When kids invite you into play, give the control back: "Tell me what the puppy does." Play pockets work. Bring open-ended materials to where life already happens in your home — the kitchen, laundry room, even the bathroom cabinet. Less really is more. Too many toys create…

Episode Summary In this powerful solo episode, Eli Harwood gets real about one of the hardest parenting challenges there is: how do you help your child feel safe and secure when you don't feel safe yourself? Drawing from a deeply personal experience — her six-year-old daughter's unexpected ICU admission — Eli walks through the core principles of attachment-based parenting under pressure. Whether you're navigating a family health crisis, divorce, oppression, or uncertainty in the world, this episode will remind you that your presence is one of the most powerful medicines you can offer your kids. Key Takeaways Your job isn't to remove fear — it's to make sure your child doesn't feel alone in it. Saying "everything's fine" when it isn't is a dismissal; acknowledging "this feels hard" is connection. Attachment systems exist for moments of threat. Crisis doesn't break attachment — it activates it. Act on what you can control, then become emotional support. Take practical steps to remove real threat, but once…

How to Deal with Clutter (ft. Katy Joy Wells) Episode Summary Feeling overwhelmed by your home — and how it's affecting your ability to show up for your kids? In this episode, Eli welcomes holistic decluttering expert and author Katy Joy Wells to explore the surprising connection between a cluttered home and your capacity to be a present, secure parent. Katy breaks down the four types of clutter, explains why popular decluttering methods keep failing, and gives you two practical habits you can start today — no weekend overhaul required. Key Takeaways Clutter isn't just about stuff. It steals your time, energy, and ability to connect with your kids — and there's real science behind it. There are 4 types of clutter — superficial, scarcity, sentimental, and identity — and each requires a different strategy. Applying the wrong tool to the wrong type is why most methods fail. We don't just buy things — we buy stories, emotions, and beliefs about ourselves. Understanding what's driving your accumulation is the key…

How to Prepare Your Kids for a World Full of Cults Episode Summary In this powerful episode, host Eli welcomes NXIVM whistleblowers and A Little Bit Culty podcast hosts Sarah Edmondson and Anthony "Nippy" Ames to talk about what cultic abuse actually looks like — and more importantly, what parents can do to help protect their children from it. Together, they explore the psychology of manipulation, the red flags every parent should know, and how raising kids who can question authority may be one of the greatest protective gifts we can give them. Key Takeaways Cults start with inspiration, not coercion. The first step into a high-control group almost always feels meaningful — like joining a movement or community that's changing the world. It can happen to anyone. Cults often recruit high-achieving, charismatic individuals — not just vulnerable or uneducated people. Intelligence is not a shield. The real red flag isn't the group — it's the behavior. Look for: inability to question authority, isolation from…

How to Deal with Teaching Kids Body Safety & Consent | Jayneen Sanders Episode Summary In this deeply important conversation, Eli sits down with internationally acclaimed children's book author and publisher Jayneen Sanders to explore how parents can teach body safety, consent, and boundaries to children of all ages — from infancy through the teen years. Together they discuss why body autonomy is one of the most powerful tools we can give our kids, how grooming actually works, and what we can do to raise children who trust their instincts and feel safe coming to us. Key Takeaways Start from birth. You can begin narrating body care to infants — "I'm moving your arm to put your jacket on" — planting the seeds of body autonomy from day one. Use the word 'consent' with young children. Teaching kids that no one can enter their personal space without permission — and that they must ask too — is the foundation of body safety. Be a warrior parent. When grandparents or other adults override your child's physical…

How to Deal with Raising a Highly Sensitive or Neurodivergent Kid Episode Summary Eli sits down with Kristin Gallant, co-founder of Big Little Feelings, to dig into one of the most misunderstood parenting challenges: raising a child who feels everything — deeply, loudly, and fully. Together they unpack what it really means to have a "big feeler" in your home, why the goal was never to make sensitive kids less sensitive, and the three most powerful things parents can do to help these kids thrive. Key Takeaways There's a spectrum of sensitivity. Big feelers aren't just one type of kid — some push their feelings outward (intensity, drive), others turn them inward (overwhelm, collapse). Knowing your child's pattern matters. First step: rule out or rule in neurodivergence. Many highly sensitive kids are also autistic, have ADHD, or both. Getting clarity on how your child's brain works is one of the most powerful gifts you can give them. Believe your child. When the slide feels terrifying or the smell of salami is…

Jessica Tomich Sorci, LMFT and creator of the Mom Parts Method, shares insights on transforming mom guilt and shame using Internal Family Systems therapy. She reveals why these painful feelings aren't signs of failure, but actually pathways to healing both ourselves and our mothering. Key Takeaways Guilt has purpose: It's a reminder when we've acted outside our values and creates opportunity for repair Shame points to old wounds: Shame is a "bookmark for your unmet needs" from childhood that still need healing Motherhood activates everything: Kids are like "heat-seeking hovercrafts" for our unresolved issues, making motherhood both triggering and healing You're mothering two kids: You're always mothering your actual child plus your inner child who still needs care Parts are trying to help: Even our "worst" internal parts are actually trying to protect and help us, they just need updating About the Guest Jessica Tomich Sorci, LMFT, is a pioneer in maternal mental health who created the Mom Parts method,…

In this powerful conversation, safety expert Dannah Eve, known as The Street Smart Blonde with over 4 million followers, combines her academic knowledge with street smarts to deliver life-saving insights. We explore practical strategies for keeping our families safe without living in constant fear. ## Key Takeaways - **Live aware, not in fear** - Dannah's motto emphasizes empowerment over paranoia - **The What If Game** - Turn safety preparation into engaging family activities - **Lying to survive** - Teaching kids when dishonesty protects their safety - **Family code words** - Essential communication tools for emergencies - **Trust your gut instinct** - Developing intuition as a safety muscle - **Connection as protection** - Being your child's safe space builds trust ## About the Guest **Dannah Eve** is a trusted safety expert and digital creator known as The Street Smart Blonde. As a former D1 athlete and Summa Cum Laude graduate in Criminology and Psychology, she combines academic knowledge with street…

We all have biases. Every single one of us. They're the mental shortcuts our brains built when we were young—and most of us never thought to question them. But what happens when your child starts forming their own identity, and it challenges everything you thought you believed? In this episode, Eli sits down with Destini Ann Davis—bestselling author of Very Intentional Parenting, certified parenting coach, and creator to unpack how our unexamined biases can quietly erode secure attachment with our kids. They dive into: Why ALL humans have biases (and why that's not the same as being "bad") The difference between recognizing bias and acting on it How proximity and diverse exposure actually rewires our brains Why "distance breeds suspicion, but proximity breeds empathy" (Tyler Merritt) Teaching kids to pause and get curious instead of react with judgment How authenticity about our own biases creates deeper connections Whether it's biases about race, gender, neurodivergence, body size, or a hundred other…

Your kid finally learned to regulate their emotions... and then they turned 8 and it all fell apart. Sound familiar? In this episode, Eli sits down with Alyssa Campbell—co-author of the New York Times bestseller Tiny Humans, Big Feelings and her new book Big Kids, Bigger Feelings—to unpack why the pre-teen years hit so differently (and why your biases might be making it worse). They dive into: Why that "calm period" around age 6-7 doesn't last (and what's actually happening in your kid's brain) How to parent when your sensory needs are completely opposite your child's The difference between entitlement and dysregulation (spoiler: it's usually the second one) Why "attention-seeking" behavior is actually a need, not a want A free tool to understand your (and your kid's) unique nervous system Whether you have neurotypical or neurodivergent kids, this conversation will change how you see those eye rolls, door slams, and "attitudes." Resources mentioned: Take the free Sensory Quiz: seedquiz.com Big Kids, Bigger…

What would you tell your younger mom self? In this deeply personal first episode, Eli sits down with **Babs Slaton, MA, LPC**—fellow therapist, colleague at the PASS Center, and the original cycle breaker in Eli's family. Babs was the first person in their family system to look around at the dysfunction and say, "This feels insecure. We need to figure something out." Babs shares the five things she wishes someone had told her when she was a young mom in the trenches—wisdom refined through decades of parenting, therapy, and watching her grandchildren thrive.

In this insightful talk, Eli explores the multifaceted concept of loss from a child's perspective, providing parents and caregivers with a comprehensive framework to understand and aid children during these challenging times. From the little losses to the big ones, discover strategies and insights to navigate these poignant moments in a child's life.

In this episode, we'll delve into calming yourself when a loved one is upset, exploring the parent-child dynamic of co-regulation and debunking misconceptions about calmness. For full episode please become a member of the Nerd Herd. Details can be found at www.attachmentnerd.com

In this episode, we dive deep into a very personal, yet universal, parenting experience. Our host shares her journey of miscommunication and repair with her son, revealing the raw and tender dynamics of the parent-child relationship. We discuss how easily we can misread situations, and how a moment of jest can turn into a moment of distress. But more importantly, we explore the aftermath: the process of owning our mistakes, acknowledging the impact, and working towards mending the rupture. We delve into the steps of making repairs, from granting space for our children to express their feelings to understanding their needs for reparation. We also highlight the importance of public acknowledgment of our mistakes, a key component of the social fabric of our lives. Finally, we address the importance of not beating ourselves up when we falter and the need for patience as repairs may take time. This episode is a true testament to the fact that it's not about never messing up, but about how we rise and recover when…

Dive into this episode as we explore effective strategies for co-regulating and guiding children through their emotional journey. Discover how empathy and understanding can foster a nurturing environment that supports emotional growth, equipping kids with the tools they need to express and manage their anger in healthy ways. Stressed by parenting struggles? I get it. That's why I created Attachment Nerd's all-in-one approach, providing expert coaching, essential resources, and a warm community. Like many satisfied parents, you can build deep connections and overcome day-to-day hurdles. Let's embark on this journey together at Attachmentnerd.com TRSbD9rysYlN6dxy0MGj